Embrace the Quirk

Have I mentioned that I LOVE my quirky nerdiness and REALLY don’t mind that all in all I have been single for what seems like forever. My universe has been handed to me in such ways that I have been tested to my very core. I have had to face MANY things that most never have to face, and I am grateful for each and every painful one of them. The tables have turned. I have learned enough from my life lessons that now those in my life who I respected and look up to most, those who SEEM to have themselves together, are finally looking to me for strength. Those friends with fancy houses and incredibly high paying jobs, are jealous of the strength I have when faced with adversity. They are starting to realize that, even with the chaos of things that have happened to me, that I am more solid in who I am with each passing day. My “quirks” are now badges I wear, each representing something new I have learned about myself, each one building me stronger. I am me, no matter what is taken from me. I thrive being my WHOLE self. Could you say the same of yourself if your material possessions were stripped from you? If a surgery left you “changed” somehow? Are you able to celebrate who YOU are at your core? Be thankful for your quirks my friends, human robots are incredibly shallow and boring…

I’ve Got My Blanket…

This boy can sleep an incredible amount. This surprises me because he always feels the need to have this blanket with him. I love it, but it is LOUD. When he was born, we knew that there was a 50/50 chance that he would have the same genetic condition, Blue Cone Monochromacy, that his older brother had, so when it was confirmed we took it as just another important piece of the puzzle of “him”.  With BCM, his central visual acuity is roughly 20/80-20/200 at any given moment and he is colorblind. We have found that his colorblindness is not complete and that he can see slight amounts of yellow and red, though we don’t know in what amounts. My mother is brilliant when it comes to sewing and put together this baby blanket for him. It is black, white and yellow, with geometric patterns, dots, penguins, etc and very busy. She made this blanket and a mobile for over his crib, how awesome is that?! It amazes me everyday the challenges we face and the things we learn. I constantly say that we are blessed that he was given this condition… it forces us to change and adapt accordingly. How he possibly adapts to sleeping with that beautiful, yet loud, blanket is beyond me…

Class has Begun…

It never ceases to amaze me the darkness in some people. I remember a time that I thought that “darkness” was the cool and hip thing to be. Growing up, I have realized that it is such a senseless place to spend your life. People were meant to interact, to learn from one another, to teach… I actually go out of my way to avoid most people. The panic I feel when I have to answer a phone is ridiculous. It is a learned behavior, because the real me, well she’s nothing like this scared little girl I feel that I have to deal with inside me. I am blessed that I see this. Blessed that I can change it. I am not perfect, but at least I am no longer stuck inside a place where I felt like I can do nothing to save myself. I have GOT to unlearn this behavior. I am a phenomenal woman who does right by others… It is actually very simple.

Reminders

There is something going on lately, another change. I feel solidly depleted, yet not scared. Call it faith, call it stupidity, call it what you will, but it continues to remind me how strong I can be. I need to be reminded. With the oldest moving out, I have been faced with this crazy abundance of work to do around here. My mind and my heart are all in. They are designing rooms, picking out colors for the floors and walls, drawing up floor plans, doing the laundry, making the next batch of baby food, etc. My mind is spinning with ideas of what I want to improve around here to make it a better living space for all of us. The boys need their rooms specially adapted for their visual impairment, so the timing couldn’t be better. I’m a “glass half-full” kinda girl. My heart wants to get it all done quickly, for everyone’s sake. My body though…

I hate when my body disagrees with those two. I know there are many things to be done around here, yet no matter how much my spirit has it’s arms around the other three today, my body is not letting me out of this bed for very long today. I have tried giving it a pep talk, but it is just not happening. I was able to get up to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen a bit, but then the legs called out the protestors. How does little ole me fight the protestors?  I pushed myself way too hard these past couple of weeks. I know it and my Mama would say how in denial and stubborn I am. I am okay with that. Who wants to live their life never pushing themselves for fear that they will physically be down for sometime afterwards? I say it only makes me stronger. Unfortunately that strength comes from trying to live my life as if I don’t have this condition. I am blessed to have some time to myself to recoup while the kids are gone for the weekend! Because tomorrow… I begin to deconstruct the room in the front to make room for Spyder’s bed. Resting up now…