Ultimate Pretzel Crusted Peanut Butter Cookie Candy Brownie Bars

I know that I am lacking somewhere in my life and I am sure that it has to do with my God or my ego… Normally I back-pave those holes with food. Yes, I eat my feelings. For those that know me well, you know that I have battled severe nausea for years now. So, for me, when I get a hankering for something, my brain just does not stop until I feed the need. This week it has been chocolate and pretzels. It has gotten so bad that I stopped at Caribou Coffee, looked at the Barista as if I was waiting for her to read my mind and up word vomitting on her about wanting a Snicker’s in a cup. Of course it did not come out as smoothly as, “May I please have something that tastes like a Snicker’s?” No, there were many more grunts of inaudible words as the thought tried to make it’s way out of my mouth. She for sure thought there was something wrong with me… well, something more than my norm.

All kidding and my grunts aside, I have been falling apart trying to find something that might spark my interest. I came across this beauty of a recipe over at BabyGizmo.com… Ultimate Pretzel Crusted Peanut Butter Cookie Candy Brownie Bars How’s that for a mouthful? I am trying to stay away from the fat content and ignore all the usual bells and whistles, this is purely for the pleasure of having beautiful Noms. Check it out and tell me what you think…

1st Father’s Day Without Him

This weekend will mark the first Father’s Day since my Dad passed. I honestly wish that I could go without it, what does that say about me? I could easily redeem myself by stating that he would totally understand, but the underlying fact that I wish to be selfish in the first place is still there. When he passed, there were a lot of comments thrown around about my brother and I being adopted, so that somehow implied that we were effected less by his passing, or that he wasn’t as much of a father to us because he wasn’t blood? He was more a father to me than any man I had ever known. It was really quite ridiculous. It is funny to hear of stories about how uptight he use to be about people. My mother always said that he changed the way he looked at people quite a bit in the years they were married. We tend to have that effect on people, my mother and I.

He saw it all clearly before he passed, it was like talking to a completely new man. He understood the effect of negativity, he was ready to try anything to keep himself healthy, anything to get my mom back…  I know that I have said it before, but I will probably repeat it time and again, we were so very blessed to have those hours upon hours to talk before he went into surgery. I know in my heart that there is nothing that could replace that. I had that… his adopted, loved, caring step-daughter. We had that…

Can I tell you how it broke my heart that my son picked up his book of photos and before turning to the correct page, he started saying, “Papa, Papa?” It is the small times such as then that tend to catch me off guard and leave me a bawling mess. Think I might take the Lemur King to his Dad’s in Toledo and head over to Molly’s, my Dad’s favorite little diner to eat? His girls would get a kick out of that. Then maybe take a newspaper over to Charlie, Dad’s best friend. He’s in a home right now and he can’t stand it there. Wish I were able to take him out on my own, but I would be too afraid of him losing his footing and falling. We will have to see how it works out. So much to be done. I know that whatever it is that I end up doing,  Dad will be right there laughing his behind off. Such a comforting feeling.

I’ve Got My Blanket…

This boy can sleep an incredible amount. This surprises me because he always feels the need to have this blanket with him. I love it, but it is LOUD. When he was born, we knew that there was a 50/50 chance that he would have the same genetic condition, Blue Cone Monochromacy, that his older brother had, so when it was confirmed we took it as just another important piece of the puzzle of “him”.  With BCM, his central visual acuity is roughly 20/80-20/200 at any given moment and he is colorblind. We have found that his colorblindness is not complete and that he can see slight amounts of yellow and red, though we don’t know in what amounts. My mother is brilliant when it comes to sewing and put together this baby blanket for him. It is black, white and yellow, with geometric patterns, dots, penguins, etc and very busy. She made this blanket and a mobile for over his crib, how awesome is that?! It amazes me everyday the challenges we face and the things we learn. I constantly say that we are blessed that he was given this condition… it forces us to change and adapt accordingly. How he possibly adapts to sleeping with that beautiful, yet loud, blanket is beyond me…