Reminders

There is something going on lately, another change. I feel solidly depleted, yet not scared. Call it faith, call it stupidity, call it what you will, but it continues to remind me how strong I can be. I need to be reminded. With the oldest moving out, I have been faced with this crazy abundance of work to do around here. My mind and my heart are all in. They are designing rooms, picking out colors for the floors and walls, drawing up floor plans, doing the laundry, making the next batch of baby food, etc. My mind is spinning with ideas of what I want to improve around here to make it a better living space for all of us. The boys need their rooms specially adapted for their visual impairment, so the timing couldn’t be better. I’m a “glass half-full” kinda girl. My heart wants to get it all done quickly, for everyone’s sake. My body though…

I hate when my body disagrees with those two. I know there are many things to be done around here, yet no matter how much my spirit has it’s arms around the other three today, my body is not letting me out of this bed for very long today. I have tried giving it a pep talk, but it is just not happening. I was able to get up to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen a bit, but then the legs called out the protestors. How does little ole me fight the protestors?  I pushed myself way too hard these past couple of weeks. I know it and my Mama would say how in denial and stubborn I am. I am okay with that. Who wants to live their life never pushing themselves for fear that they will physically be down for sometime afterwards? I say it only makes me stronger. Unfortunately that strength comes from trying to live my life as if I don’t have this condition. I am blessed to have some time to myself to recoup while the kids are gone for the weekend! Because tomorrow… I begin to deconstruct the room in the front to make room for Spyder’s bed. Resting up now…

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2 thoughts on “Reminders

  1. For those of us with fibro, the hardest part IMHO is not the pain itself but the frustration the pain brings with it. I push myself when I know for sure that I have AT LEAST three days to recoup. Last fathers day, we took the kids to an amusement park and I was beat after four hours then in pain for three, laying abed, drugged up pain. I hate it too. Hang in there kiddo and remember, you aren’t alone.

    • I think you said that perfectly, “…but the frustration the pain brings with it.” It stills seems ridiculous to me that I have to set aside those “three days”, but I am beginning to accept it. One of my biggest frustrations is people, even close friends, who look at me and say, “Well you LOOK fine?” I know that it is hard for some to understand, but I want to do some face-slapping when I hear those words. 😉

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