Scorpions and Quiche

So, as some may know, one of my favorite men is in Thailand on vacation with a couple of good buddies. Currently they are resting up in Chiang Mai. The other day I found myself grocery shopping and he’s sending me a text and photos of them eating scorpions in Bangkok. Here I am at Meijer, trying to figure out what to get my kids for lunch that day and he’s experiencing something cool in a faraway land, I wasn’t jealous at all. Beautiful photos of street vendors, a shrimp as large as his hand, breakfast in Bangkok, statues, neighborhood dogs…He found me a monk’s bowl and a fine silk scarf. He has the best taste and his gifts are always incredibly meaningful. That being said, again today I have had to focus on that which tests the limits of my jealousy. I love self-actualization, but damn does it hurt like a bitch!

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That’s a “shrimp”! Photo courtesy of Michael Darmes

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Breakfast in Bangkok. Photo courtesy of Michael Darmes

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Vendor in Bangkok. Photo courtesy of Michael Darmes

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Monk’s Bowl from Bangkok.

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Look at those colors!!!

So here I sit trying to decide what to cook for us that will take my mind off of the fabulousness of his vacation. It’s a balmy 30 degrees here in Michigan right now I think! A big plus about having to stay at his place is that he has MY oven. Yes mine, I MUST own one. The Cuisinart Combo Steam and Convection Oven, it is a miracle worker packed into a futuristic looking package. As soon as I have the “extra” cash, we will be making a purchase, leftovers will never go to waste again with this beautiful machine! I could go on for days about this gorgeous piece of machinery, but let’s just say that I can cook WHATEVER I would like and have it come out looking professional at least. So I can across this recipe and thought that I might try it. Take THAT Thailand!! lol No, I will not be bitter…

If you would like to attempt this with me, check it out here

Spinach Mushroom Feta Crustless Quiche is the best breakfast or dinner without all the guilt!

Photo courtesy of Real Housemoms

Embrace the Quirk

Have I mentioned that I LOVE my quirky nerdiness and REALLY don’t mind that all in all I have been single for what seems like forever. My universe has been handed to me in such ways that I have been tested to my very core. I have had to face MANY things that most never have to face, and I am grateful for each and every painful one of them. The tables have turned. I have learned enough from my life lessons that now those in my life who I respected and look up to most, those who SEEM to have themselves together, are finally looking to me for strength. Those friends with fancy houses and incredibly high paying jobs, are jealous of the strength I have when faced with adversity. They are starting to realize that, even with the chaos of things that have happened to me, that I am more solid in who I am with each passing day. My “quirks” are now badges I wear, each representing something new I have learned about myself, each one building me stronger. I am me, no matter what is taken from me. I thrive being my WHOLE self. Could you say the same of yourself if your material possessions were stripped from you? If a surgery left you “changed” somehow? Are you able to celebrate who YOU are at your core? Be thankful for your quirks my friends, human robots are incredibly shallow and boring…

Driving and My Ego

The ego is a very funny thing. I have been fighting my ego in a terrible way since these surgeries, but at least I’m driving again! Check out this video and see how I am handling… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K90bPXtqp6o

Taking a Moment in the Park

Very rarely lately have I stopped to take a moment to myself.  This fact alone has been wearing on me, as I normally try to take the moments that I need in order to keep my head clear. That lacking of time is showing some ugly truths that I’d rather just turn a blind eye to. It’s hard for me to admit when I am getting slightly “out of control,” and even harder to then reverse my actions and do the right thing.

Luckily, my little downtown area, Kellogg Park, of Plymouth, MI has just the place for it. It pains me that I am going to have to move away from this area. I love the fact that it has the BIG open park in the middle with every shop you could possibly want within walking distance. Not to mention, if hanging out for a drink is your thing, I think there is something like five or six bars within the small downtown area, so there is no lack of socializing! Especially in the Summer, the kids and I like to spend quite a bit of time down there. The surprising thing? Plymouth is filled with wealth and yet, this city has always accepted the uniqueness with which I have chosen to live my life. There is that lack of stares and disrespect that I get most places. Can’t even explain how much I appreciate that. I definitely need to start taking more time to clear my head than I have been. There was a reason that I fell in love with this city in the first place, it brings me peace…

Revolutionary by David Eichenberg

Revolutionary
7.5” x 8” (Without Frame)
15” x 14.5” (With Frame)
Artist Designed and constructed frame) 23K Yellow Gold Leaf and 13.25K White Gold Leaf over White Oak. 2009
Oil on Panel

This was a portrait that I modeled for and the first of many done by artist David Eichenberg. I told him many times that he has NO idea just how much this changed who I was. It all came along, perfectly timed, at the right point of my life. The fact that he called it Revolutionary was monumental for me. Forever will it be a turning point for me. All my selfishness aside, he is an amazing person who I have been blessed to have gotten to work with. Blessed to have seen yet another beautiful creation come out of him… www.davideichenberg.com

Healing with the Blues

Trying to come out of that funk… This self pity and lack of motivation has got to stop! Laying quilt trips on myself and being harder on my psyche than anyone I have ever known. I need my Bikram. I am all off and I do not like the person that I am becoming. Think it’s time for an ass kickin, my own that is…

Blues, yoga and gardening, maybe that will kick things back in order? The cleaning is just not working. I am not feeling more centered, if anything I am feeling more torn now than ever. I know that this too shall pass, but seriously, my impatient self was over with it before it began. Missing Dad terribly. Those times when his silly humor is the only thing that made sense… it’s just not the same without him here. Makes me realize a lot about what I really desire out of life. Not this pathetic excuse that I have been living up until now, that’s for damn sure. Going to get what I want before long… it is going to happen. I just need time and healing. And some Blues.

Purely Awesome

I saw this floating around today and had to bring it to the masses… well, my masses. This has got to be one of the most beautiful photos that I have seen. It is everything that I strive to be. I love that the labels are taken away and we are left with expression, joy and pure love. I wish that all the people who bring themselves into my life felt this exact way….

Please, Hold Your Crazy In

Too many little things, not enough of something… that is how today has felt for me. The day was gorgeous! I think it was over 70 degrees for sure! The only other thing you could ask for, and it might almost seem greedy, is clear and sunny skies. I was not disappointed there either. Amazing weather for this time of year, that I cannot argue. There is something underlying here, something catching my breath. Maybe it was my call to my mom the other morning.  Sometimes I despise being so closely “in tune” with those I love in my life. Admittedly, there is no grace to be found in me despising it so. Yet, after that moment clicks when you know  that you are onto something with someone and you didn’t want to be? That lingering worry that can make you lie awake at night for hours just waiting for something to happen… it’s terrifying!

Things are changing so quickly around here that I had to stop myself today and remember that I cannot please everyone. I am the Queen of Disclaimers. It’s almost humorous to me now how trained the ex had me. “Why don’t you wear makeup, why are you wearing makeup, why are you wearing yoga pants to your best friend’s house, why are there two different kinds of feminine products on this receipt, why was that joke with your friend so funny, why don’t prostitute’s ever complain about that?” That last one was my favorite… Ultimately there is no one else to stand up and accept that I let that happen to myself. I was the one that handed over the keys to myself and said, “Here, redecorate as you wish.” What in the hell was I thinking?

I can tell you one thing, I wasn’t thinking about what a phenomenal woman I am! I sure as heck wasn’t thinking that. Even after all of these years away from him, I still explain my every move to people. That is NO way to live, almost to 40 and feeling like I am a child having to explain my thoughts to my daddy. What a pathetic man to even ever let me feel that way! Ugh….

All of it aside, forever grateful I will be to have went through every heartache. Today I can put my life into perspective and appreciate my family, my loves, my desires, for what they are worth. Today I know what a strong woman I am… Or do I? Why can’t I just live as I use to?

I was watching a dvr’d episode of Anderson today about families of serial killers. Pat Brown was on there and said something that really “hit home” with me… She had stated that one of the killers she had researched put it in perspective best when he was asked something along the lines of,”How do you think  the parents feel about not being able to put their daughter to rest?”, he responded with, “If I would’ve cared AT ALL about what the parents thought, I wouldn’t have killed their daughter.” Sums it up for me… some people are just seriously messed up in the head! There are varying degrees, but everyone is capable of a little crazy. When you can’t please someone for this or that, it’s nothing to take personal. It’s just harder for some to hold their crazy in.

I need to quit giving into everyone’s crazy…

Reminders

There is something going on lately, another change. I feel solidly depleted, yet not scared. Call it faith, call it stupidity, call it what you will, but it continues to remind me how strong I can be. I need to be reminded. With the oldest moving out, I have been faced with this crazy abundance of work to do around here. My mind and my heart are all in. They are designing rooms, picking out colors for the floors and walls, drawing up floor plans, doing the laundry, making the next batch of baby food, etc. My mind is spinning with ideas of what I want to improve around here to make it a better living space for all of us. The boys need their rooms specially adapted for their visual impairment, so the timing couldn’t be better. I’m a “glass half-full” kinda girl. My heart wants to get it all done quickly, for everyone’s sake. My body though…

I hate when my body disagrees with those two. I know there are many things to be done around here, yet no matter how much my spirit has it’s arms around the other three today, my body is not letting me out of this bed for very long today. I have tried giving it a pep talk, but it is just not happening. I was able to get up to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen a bit, but then the legs called out the protestors. How does little ole me fight the protestors?  I pushed myself way too hard these past couple of weeks. I know it and my Mama would say how in denial and stubborn I am. I am okay with that. Who wants to live their life never pushing themselves for fear that they will physically be down for sometime afterwards? I say it only makes me stronger. Unfortunately that strength comes from trying to live my life as if I don’t have this condition. I am blessed to have some time to myself to recoup while the kids are gone for the weekend! Because tomorrow… I begin to deconstruct the room in the front to make room for Spyder’s bed. Resting up now…