The Passing That Led to My Disappearance…

I’m back my friends, I have missed you all greatly… My father went into the urgent care a couple weeks ago with a cold. That “cold” was pneumonia and that led to finding out he needed his third open heart surgery. On April 16th, he went in for that surgery and ended up having another heart attack on the table. After being on machines for almost seven days to give his body a rest, they tried the surgery again on the 22nd. During that surgery, there was too much bleeding and we lost him.

My brother and I may have been adopted by my father, but he was the one man that stood by us even after things with my mother had ended. I called him Dad and loved him more than most people in my life. A strange thing happened when he went in the hospital… because my youngest boy’s father lives in the area of the hospital, he was able to take most of the responsibility of the care of our little man, giving me the opportunity to stay up at the hospital with my father. I was able to talk to him for hours on end before he went into surgery.

I was able to learn so much about him. I was able to learn that he had found God and that he was not scared. That alone eases all the pain that I could feel. I was able to learn about his parents, how he grew up, how he felt like a wimp when he cried and how he finally realized that he had to be open to people and situations. I got to sit and talk with my daddy, as an adult, saying what we needed to say… we were blessed.

And then it all ended… not even 15mins. after the doctor and chaplain walked out, my estranged step-brother started talking about life insurance policies and his quarter share. The very next morning he was at my father’s door at 8:15am to start going through my dad’s things. We called him up and my other brother up to meet at my dad’s favorite diner, where he went off about being slighted all his life and getting his fair share of dad’s things. During that breakfast he declared that he wanted copies of all paperwork and to be on the phone when we handled the accounts. Now, dad wasn’t a wealthy man by any means, he called a small trailor his home, all his cards were maxed and he had a new van that hadn’t even had a payment made yet. He left the breakfast in a huff, talking about getting a lawyer and such. He followed that up with calling the cops and kicking us out of dad’s house when we went to look for the paperwork. This was all followed by hateful names and bodily threats if we were to show up at the memorial from one of their family members….

It has been just over a week and we are now beginning to grieve… my dad was the best and this situation has been the worst. So disrespectful to his memory. I have quit smoking in his honor though, he would be incredibly happy with that. I am missing him more than I could have imagined. He really was a man of honor and loyalty, that is what I have to remember. I also have to remember that it may have taken him a lifetime to understand how important it was to be open to love, but he understood it before he left us, he took that with him. He was laughing as always when he went into surgery and he wasn’t scared. I couldn’t have prayed for more…


He Might Drive!!!

So… Spyder had another low vision appointment this morning. Generally he’s right around 20/80 with drop to 20/200 (or more) in very bright light. Obviously there is nothing they can do about the colorblindness, so that will never change, BUT his condition is NOT degenerative! Stopping braille and possibly dropping down orientation and mobility. One set of regular glasses with transitions AND a darker grey or amber clip on. ALSO another set of new orange tinted glasses with bifocals for school and reading. AND SHE THINKS HE IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE!!! She said she can’t promise, but she noticed he picks things up extremely fast, so with that and being able to control the light, he will probably be able to learn to use a telescopic piece to drive! I can’t contain myself!

Update on the IEP

Had another IEP for the Lemur King this morning… they were impressed how current he is with his skills despite his visual impairment. They were also impressed with his vocabulary, use of Sign and putting a few words together. They said I was doing a good job! I SO needed to hear that… Once a week Group and once a month with the Specialist! Woo hoo!!!

Homemade Gluten Free Snack Ideas for Children

applegreen1 30 Snack Ideas

I am a foodie, through and through… When faced with this whole idea of what to make my 8 y/o son for snack free from gluten, I wanted to cry. “Seriously, that leaves like nothing to eat?!” That’s all I kept thinking. There is absolutely NO way I can do this! We are on a limited budget and just don’t have the money to do something like that! No lie, I would find almost any excuse not to face the fact that we ALL had to start eating better, but even I was convinced that just maybe this was the first step of it all? Deep down I know that it is better for him and that all that processed crap only makes it harder for his brain and body to work correctly. Deep down I know that he is going to fight me about the change in the types of food. I honestly don’t think that he is going to fight me too much. I started the switch last night and he seemed to like what I made him for dinner. The only problem was, I liked it so much I had three small helpings of it before I forced myself to put it away!

I love to cook and would love your input on a recipe or an idea of yours! Please feel free to leave me something! Until then, I found this AMAZING website, by the gluten free Mommy, that I am going to snag a few ideas off of! Just click on that shiny Granny Smith above and let’s all give a big shout out to her!!! Much love and happy snacking…

The Colors on the Track…

Day 39 of my 365 Days of Dreads. Almost done for the night… it’s been a very long night. About to crash. One more coat to the nails and I am done! Need to be up early and see if school is closed for the day with this snow that is coming down! Went to Spyder’s Cub Scouts meeting at Lightning Speedway in Livonia tonight. I got frustrated for Spyder, being put into another situation where color is of the importance. It was totally awesome! Slot car racing!!! The only issue was that they were color coded tracks and cars. For those boys not racing, they were “in charge” of standing on the outside of the track, catching the cars when they flipped and putting them back on their appropriate lane. The “dude”, yes, he was just that, some old dude, almost caught my foot “accidentally” up his… Oh, I mean, there was this surly gentleman working there that kept spouting unkind remarks at my son, who stood jumping with excitement at the end of the track, yet with his hands in his pockets the whole time. “You aren’t going to catch any of them with your hands in your pockets,” he would bark at my frustrated son. I tried to do my best at standing by Spyder’s side to direct him to the correct lane and such. I have to remember that people can’t see what makes things so darn difficult for him…

I was the only female there, other than the younger sister of one of the Scouts. It was kind of cool for one of the dads to hold the Lemur King so I could race a couple laps. The Lemur King was not having it. He was ready to go home and go to bed. I have to say… that is exactly where I am at.


There is something going on lately, another change. I feel solidly depleted, yet not scared. Call it faith, call it stupidity, call it what you will, but it continues to remind me how strong I can be. I need to be reminded. With the oldest moving out, I have been faced with this crazy abundance of work to do around here. My mind and my heart are all in. They are designing rooms, picking out colors for the floors and walls, drawing up floor plans, doing the laundry, making the next batch of baby food, etc. My mind is spinning with ideas of what I want to improve around here to make it a better living space for all of us. The boys need their rooms specially adapted for their visual impairment, so the timing couldn’t be better. I’m a “glass half-full” kinda girl. My heart wants to get it all done quickly, for everyone’s sake. My body though…

I hate when my body disagrees with those two. I know there are many things to be done around here, yet no matter how much my spirit has it’s arms around the other three today, my body is not letting me out of this bed for very long today. I have tried giving it a pep talk, but it is just not happening. I was able to get up to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen a bit, but then the legs called out the protestors. How does little ole me fight the protestors?  I pushed myself way too hard these past couple of weeks. I know it and my Mama would say how in denial and stubborn I am. I am okay with that. Who wants to live their life never pushing themselves for fear that they will physically be down for sometime afterwards? I say it only makes me stronger. Unfortunately that strength comes from trying to live my life as if I don’t have this condition. I am blessed to have some time to myself to recoup while the kids are gone for the weekend! Because tomorrow… I begin to deconstruct the room in the front to make room for Spyder’s bed. Resting up now…

Beans and Rice for Breakfast?

Quite often I am trying to figure out ways to sneak some iron and other healthy goodness into our meals. I read up somewhere that if you start “slipping” legumes, lentils, etc. into their cereal or oatmeal in the morning early enough, they will continue to eat it. I now do it with split peas and avocado also. What I need to do is try it for myself being that my iron is so low. When my oldest was born I was in no mind frame to even glance at the importance of healthy foods at the beginning of a child’s life. Fast forward 10 years and I had begun to look at the importance with my second child. Still, it wasn’t until just about a year and a half ago that I really started to pay attention.

From Ninja Blender to breakfast bowl in seconds!!

Some days it is hard for me to “get ahead” on the tasks at hand so I just have to whip something together. It never ceases to amaze me… it doesn’t matter what you give this kid to eat, as long as you add a couple tablespoons of applesauce or a splash of coconut milk. This morning, black beans and rice…with coconut milk.

The kid is really bothered by textures. Well, he’s bothered by quite a few things! Funny how I see so much of myself in that. I sit back every meal time and crack up! He will sit and inspect before he touches anything.

As soon as his brain gives him Today I ran out of oatmeal and came up with black beans and rice, with just a hint of applesauce. I just added a can of cooked black beans, some fresh white rice, some coconut water and of course, a dash of applesauce! He might be iffy at first, but he will never go without eating!